alone.

by yourself is an odd place. if you are truly alone you can scream as loud as you can and nobody can hear you. you can think out loud, talk to yourself, act goofy, run, dance, jump. alone is a free place. you dont feel the pressure to please anyone or the tension to do what is right or expected and there is a freedom in that. sometimes, i cherish that alone time. in fact, most every night i wait for that alone time when it finally settles down at my house and everyone is asleep but me. the television is more than likely on but irrelevant. quietness overcomes me as i sit in "my" chair looking increasingly like my father... pajama pants, same old t-shirt and those horrible house shoes. i dont know why i wear them. i hate the fact that i feel the need to but maybe it is part of my genetical makeup... dna? alone. no one to answer. no one to question. no one to listen to. no one to talk back. completely alone... well, except for God.

there is such solitude and peace and freedom in being alone. by yourself is an odd place. the place that brings such stillness is also the same place that brings restlessness. i completely acknowledge the difference between alone and lonely. in fact, that is the difference in and of itself. alone on the flip side is a horrible, singular, blinding, deafeningly silent place. as much as i covet my personal quiet solitude i never want to exchange it for loneliness. for those who have experienced that type of failing trade, an emotional bailout is in order. only after three recent days apart from my soul mate and i am a desolate human. i live in temporary lostness when we are apart. yet too often i experience the same thing when we are together. there are times when i take for granted the treasure i am honored to call my wife. after about 48 hours apart neither one of us is fun to be around. we get to missing one another. it just happens. we both love our alone time. neither of us wants to experience loneliness.

briefly alone... ok. other than that, i'm out. in fact God even said that it was not good for man to be alone. i bet He was thinking about me.

friends are friends forever.

Back in the day, this song by MWS was played at every graduation, church youth group, and retreat in the entire South Eastern United States. It almost shames me that I at one time cried after hearing this song and even now this song turns my stomach (in a much different way). But the theme still runs true. Friends (real friends) are friends forever. After a weekend involving lots of re-visits with old friends, I have been reminded of this simple fact. Try this some time just for fun...

joerodneytomjohnmarcstevenkeithshanamelissakelleymelodietoddrusstreyshanesusanchrisshawnkevindavidshannongaryjasonmattjimmytoddkipbradmatteloajustinbrocknickwilliamdavesonnylukejeffmatttonyabridgettkristenamandajenniferkevintomderrickphillipbenduncanraymondchrischadchrisrandygarmoncjantwantonyfloyddavidmikejohnalanmaryzacdwaindanajoelcraigbriandukephiltimbrettjoetylermacjondeechadronnieandymicahelliotdarelldustinkevindaveyjaredmichaelbillbobsandortimeddiejohnnylesliemichelesisdavejoeymattsherrymonacindytracytawanabrandonbrockglenroblonniestevewilledevierobbirralphrachaeltimothythomastashaicemanjonathanirisolivianickprestonpamelapaulmarcimatthewmelvincharlesiraianjasoneggychrisbutchcalvinbrandimaudeangelaaustinsethdustyfredgregharryjustinekarllarryalisallydevonfelixgennielaurenharmonyjuliaroyalicekimlawrencemistynataliebertriceviccandizoraadamsharondorisfrankgillhollyjessiekolbylorenqvariuswilliamellarufustorreyyasmineuniceivanoliverpete.

It took me about five minutes to just list the first names of people who I call friend. The list thankfully is much more exhaustive than this but I got tired of thinking. After spending time with friends this weekend I am thankful for them all. It is just so nice t have people in your life who get you. I mean you don't have to explain yourself at all. If you try they see through the crap because they know the real you. They see past the bad and know first hand the good. It is like you never have to catch back up you just carry on.

Good friends are hard to come by for some people. I am a man who has been blessed with many... good friends.

If crack were Christ...

For the last several years I have really studied what it means to be a leader. I have read the books, gone to the conferences and even know the quotes... "Leaders aren't born, they are made." "Leaders aren't made, they are born." "Leaders aren't made nor born, they are the ones who stand up and out in front under severe circumstances." For the love... Which one is it?

Over the years and even again today I wonder about the line. The line between leading someone and manipulating someone. I mean think about it. In both cases you are imposing your influence on someone else for a desired result. What is the difference? Since I now serve in the drug and alcohol recovery world... let's take crack for example. If I am an addict and misery breeds company then I am possibly likely to lead someone else down the crack path with me. I impose my influence on them for my desired result. Is it me leading them or is it me manipulating them? What if crack were Christ? If I am trying to lead someone to follow Christ, I want them to see things how I see things. I impose my influence on them for yet another desired result.

I believe the difference between leading someone and manipulating someone is simple. It is at the core a matter of motive. What is my motivation? If I impose my influence on someone is it for their best interest or is it for my gain? Is it about what I can give them or is it about what I can take from them? I just believe that Christ may be our best role model yet again. His motive was never selfish. He never manipulated anyone. He led them. His motive was pure. To give life. To give His life so we all could gain life eternal.

We all lead. Some in big ways, some in small ways. What is your motive?